Parents' IEP Report

You know your child best!
Parents' perspectives and intimate knowledge of thier child are critical when writing an Indevidualized Education Program (IEP).
Use of this form will help you prepare for your child's IEP meeting.

INSIDE:
About inclusion....
Changing the IEP meeting to change the outcomes...
What are your child's strengths?
What are your child's needs?
What goals do you have for your child's education this year?
What related services does your child need?
What modifications and adaptations does your child need to be successful in school this year?
What is the most appropriate placement for your child this school year?

Before filling out this report, make several copies of pages 1 through 10. You will be taking your completed form to the IEP meeting as your "report" on your child. Keep several copies for yourself as working copies. Give other copies to husband/wife, brothers and sisters, friends who know your child well and any othe rpoeple who can positively contribute personal knowledge of youor child (Sunday school teacher, babysitter, relatives, and other firneds--both adult anda children). You will be surprised at the different perspectives others have of your child. These all conbine to create a more complete picture of who your child really is! Have others complete the form and return to you. Then, compile all the informaiton into one report you take with you to your child's IEP meeting.

Don't forget to involve your child in this process! If possible, discuss all parts of the form with him/her and have them contribute to it in anyway he/she can. Remember it's the child's education, the child's life!

Think of this form like you would a grocery list! Post it on your refrigerator door and add things to it when you think about it! Don't wait until the night before the meeting to fill this out.

Compile all the reports written by your family and friends into one "final report". Make copies of this final report and give to all the members of the staffing team, before the meeting. If that is not feasible, give them copies at the meeting and refer to it often during the meeting. Consider asking the staffing team coordinator to attach your report to the final, official staffing report. Your input on this IEP report is as valuable as the information from any professional report about your child!

ABOUT INCLUSION....
What is inclusion? Inclusion is children with disabilities attending the school they would attend if they didn't have a disability, in general education, age-appropriate classrooms, with supports for the teacher(s) and the student, where all children are active participants in both academic and extra-curricular activities.

In planning for your child's education, don't talk to educators about inclusion for your child UNLESS your child is already attending a truly inclusive school! For too many educators, the word "inclusion" is loaded with negative connotations (too expensive, not done at this school, your child's not ready, etc., etc.). Instead, WRITE inclusion into the IEP. In the following pages, write your child's needs in a way that they can only be met in an inclusive setting! Write the goals so that they can only be met in an inclusive setting.

Remember, too, that children with disabilities should not have aides: teachers should have aides. When children have aides, it's just as if you (the parent) were going to school with your child every day! If your child has an aide in a general ed classroom:

* The classroom teacher usually will not take responsibilitey for your child; your child becomes the responsibility of the aide.
* Your child will have a difficult time making friends, because teh children don't want to play with an adult around all the time;
* No one else--students or teachers--will learn what your child needs, what he/she can do, or who to educate him/her.

BEFORE THE MEETING
Work to repair any deterioration in your rlationships with people who will be at the meeting. Put aside your ego; remember what this is all about: your child's future. Your job is to be in partnership with educators; not to fight with them. Educate them! Resist the temptation to "get even", don't take things personally, restrain yourself, and maintain your equilibrium and dignity! Take a teacher to lunch!

Have informal (on the telephone, if necessary) pre-IEP meetings with everyone involved. Get a feel for what they will be saying at the meeting. "Fore warned is fore armed." Ask for any copies of their reports ahead of time. Don't go to the meeting now knwing what is going to happen!

Develop relationships with other parents who are viewed as "leaders" in your school: PTA/PTO folks, committee members, active volunteers, etc. Cultivate them and educate them about you, your family, inclusion, etc. Make allies of them.

Surround yourself with friends and family and "role play" what you think will happen at the meeting. We seem to alwlays be caught off-guard, not having the proper response when someone says something we feel is inappropriate, cruel, wrong, etc. Practice for these times; come up with "responses" that you can pull up when needed. Be prepared!!!

Complete this report and give copies of it to everyone ahead of time. This "final" report will be a compilations of all the reports you have distributed to others.

PLAN THE MEETING
Move the meeting from the traditional school stie to a more neutral setting; your home (yes, your home!); the school library, cafeteria, or your child's classroom; or another community setting that is agreeable to all. Most educators don't like these meetings any more than parents do. So make it different; make it as pleasant as possible. Have refreshments! You bring them or ask others to bring some! Make it festive!

Whenever you have the meeting, don't sit around a table. It is a barrier you don't need. Sit in a circle. Chjange the dynamics for a different outcome. Sit next to the mmost powerful person there.

AT THE MEETING
You run the metting! Ahead of time, tell the person who sets up the meeting that you would like to open the meeting.

* Welcome everyone to the meeting, thank them for coming, tell them you are excited about working with all of them as a wonderful team to help your child, etc., etc., and pass out refreshments.
* Ask everyone to please put on a name tag with first names only (get rid of the titles). You bring the name tags and markers.
* Tell everyone that you'd like to st art the meeting by having each of them say something wonderful (positive, good, whatever term you want to use) about your child. This will tak them by surprise, so tell them they can pass if they need time to think about it; youo will come back to them when they are ready.
* Pass out your summary report (this form or some variation of it) and give a brief synopsis of what you see for your chil'd long-term future. Let this be the driving force behind everything that happens at the meeting. Think big, think long-term!
* Have one or two people with you who are not KNOWN as disability advocates (the previously mentioned parent leaders). Their support will help influence decisions made at the meeting; their presence gives you credibility. Your suppoters should not sit next to you, but should sit in between the educators.
* Be prepared to compromose. ALWAYS have one or more things taht you will "give up." This makes you appear "reasonable" which, in turn, makes educators more willing to be reasonable.
* Go in to the meeting knowing that you will be satisfied if the outcome is "what you can live with." This is the basis of consensus building: it is not that everyone gets everythign they want, it is that everyone "can live with" the decisions/arrangements agreed upon.

Getting What Your Child Needs at the Meeting

* Be positive. Try not to talk about the past and what the school has/hasn't done. Let go of the past and stay focused on the future. Always start with a clean slate.
* If your opinions are ignored or dismissed, be a broken record. DON'T argue their points; that gets you off your points! Keep repeating, without escalating your words or tone of voice, what you believe about your child's strengths, needs, etc.
* DON'T get suckered in to any argument, whether it is about you, your child, the school, etc. You are not there to argue; you are there to educate!
* Be prepared to compromise in the short-run to ensure long-term success. Lay your cards on the table about what you can "give up" and what you can't.

Finally, and Perhaps, Most Importantly
About 90% of what goes on at an IEP meeting has little or nothing to do with you or your child!!!! This has been verified by many teachers! The dynamics and outcomes of IEP meetings have less to do with you and/or your child than they do with the nature of the people attending and the positions/places they represent. I have witnessed, and have been told by educators, that what happens at an IEP meeting had to do mostly wiht the relationshiops between the other people attending!

Parents do not know, anad usually never will know, about the internal politics and goings-on within our schools. Contrary to our feelings, all the folds from the school who attend IEP meetings are not "on the same side" nore are they of one mind! Within every school are principals who don't like a certain teacher and vice-versa; classroom teachers who don't like special educators and vice-versa; long-term relationships between staff members that ebb and flow; personal differences and life experiences between all staff members; and more.

Often, what happens at IEP meetings are skirmishes between eductors that we, and our children, just happen to get caught in the middle of! You may know about a certain educator who agrees with you but then at the meeting, this person appears to be agaoinst you! What happened? Somewhere along the line, this person was told to keep quiet by a superior. This is just one of many examples of what can/does happen.

What can you do about it? You can keep this in the back of your mind and use this knowledge to your benefit. Learn all you can about the idivduals who are coming to the meeting and their relationships with others. Explore what you can do to help build bridges between them and/or exploit the dynamics for your child's benefit.

This is why you should not take personally what goes on at the meeting and why you must know that it is NOT you against them. The meeting is truly not only about you/your child. Educators are often fighting as much with each other as they arewith you. Use this to your advantage!

After the Meeting
Write thank you notes to everyone who attended...especially to the ones you like the least. YOU make the effort to keep the lines of communication open. How can anyone ever treat you with disrespect when you always respect them?

Continue to build positive relationships with educators at school. Go the extra mile--isn't your kid worth it? Always remember that is what it is all about; not you and your feelings and your ego but about your child's future.

Remember that we cannot change others. We can only change ourselves. But when we change the way we are/behave/act, others will chage as well. Keep your dignity, maintain your composure, and hold your head high!

We have the law on our side, with our due process rights. However, if you decide to sue, plan to move. If someone sued me, I would do what I HAD to do because of what the law said, but I surely wouldn't want to be nice to them. Would you? If you plan on living in your community for a long time, build relationships, don't tear them down.